What's This Fairytale Called Again?

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

At the end of May I started working from home. Before that, I was a full time play date planner, ass-wiper, unlimited food-prepper, nap-regulator… Anything else I left out? But now, I work and do all of those things. And I’m wondering how people do this. Once, twice, three times over.. 
I’ll be honest with you. I had a fairytale belief that child-rearing was the most blissful experience one could ever have in their lives. I pictured myself at home with my children laughing and teaching them everything they need to know, with a clean house and amazing dinners prepared that I found in cookbooks. I look back on that thought and just laugh at myself for ever thinking it could be this way. 
By the time Lucca was 6 months old, I felt like my brain was mush, I was tired, found myself in pajamas until 2 PM and I was always looking for every opportunity to just get out of my house. I had a good run with a few good recipes, but that ended quickly. The amount of freaking dirty dishes in my sink was enough to make me feel like I was drowning. So NOT the fairytale I imagined it to be. 
And this still isn’t so. Now that I have a mundane data-entry job that I do 32 hours a week, my fairytale is long gone. We’re lucky if either of us gets dressed before dinner time, he’s locked up in baby jail with Mickey Mouse’s god awful obnoxious voice on repeat while I’m working, I’ve ruined more dinners than I can count (much to Greg’s disappointment), and I feel like I’m in a dungeon in my basement until we’re “free” when I clock out for the day. To top that off, I go to bed at 8:30, usually with a glass of wine half-spilling from my hand. Honestly, I’d like for this so-called fairytale to be like Sleeping Beauty so I could sleep for 100 years…

I’ve always wanted to be a mama, I’ve always wanted to be able to do it all-(complete with a big ass smile on my face to show how much I love it) but some days I just don’t. I’ll always look back on what I thought this was all going to be like and laugh— all while my kid is screaming “Mamamamamamamama” and throws his VTech maraca at my face. But then he laughs uncontrollably (at my expense) with his two measly bottom teeth sticking out, and it’s all worth it. And we’ll do it all again tomorrow…

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