Slow Down

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

This past year has felt like I have been on auto-pilot. Schedule, schedule, schedule, running here and there, keeping everything in order from doctor appointments for the whole family to conquering a never-ending to-do list. Reading a million blogs and baby books to answer all my million questions. I want to do everything. And I want to do everything right
And in the past few weeks, I’ve really tried to slow myself down. Lucca’s first birthday is quickly approaching and I’m having a difficult time dealing with that. To those who don’t have kids, you might think, what’s the big deal? It’s just a birthday. But no. It’s a milestone, not just for Lucca, but for Greg and I.
This year Greg and I have been together for 10 years. A DECADE. And when I think about that, I think how stupid in love we were but we were just kids. Fast-forward to 2011 and we’re married. Still learning how to be adults. And now, we have a one-year old. I’m still trying to wrap my head around this… does it ever make sense?
I’ve said it before but honestly it’s been a life-changing year. I hated being pregnant. I struggled having a newborn. And now I feel like I’ve been catapulted to a totally different phase of my life and I just want time to slow down. While I used to let Lucca’s little whimpers and cries go, I practically jump out of my bed and just hold him. I look down and see how his legs hang past my hips, and how he practically envelopes me when I try to lay his head on my shoulder. What happened to that teeny babe that could lay his entire body on my chest? Man. I just can’t get over that. 
Literally, as I write this, Puff the Magic Dragon is playing on Lucca’s music station and it’s making me cry. How depressing that Jackie Paper grew up and doesn’t come to visit Puff and have magical adventures anymore. Yes, this is happening right now. OMG. Is it OK to have a cocktail at 10 a.m.? 

If you see me in the next few weeks, here’s a fair warning that I might just lose it on you. Not because of you. But because I literally can not get a handle on life and I don’t want Jackie Paper to grow up.

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