The Day Before You Were Born

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Lucca turns one tomorrow and I’m having some mixed emotions about it. I love the little person he’s becoming. He’s observant. Silly. Persistent. Smart. Playful.
But I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. This sinking, empty feeling. This exact time last year I was checked into the hospital, make up on, hair done, just waiting for him. Not knowing what to expect. At that point, I was so huge I just wanted him out. And here I am, one year later, watching Greg put together this ginormous indoor playground for our baby boy. The kind I swore I would never, ever, have in my house. 
There are so many thoughts going on in my head it’s no wonder I haven’t slept in forever. I wish I cuddled him more. I wish I never got frustrated. I wish I had enjoyed being pregnant with him. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I started working again.
But, time does not turn back nor does it stand still, and when I wake up tomorrow I will have an (almost) toddler. An (almost) toddler who will be bouncing up and down in his crib at the ass-crack of dawn so excited to start another day. An (almost) toddler who will want to eat everything in front of him without breathing in between and then will inevitably throw all of his breakfast in my direction. An (almost) toddler who wants to drive the dog crazy and put dust bunnies in his mouth. 
This time last year I had no idea that this would be our life. Our happiness, frustrations, excitement… I had no idea that it would all stem from a little, tiny person. I mean I knew, but I didn’t really know… ya know?

A year. One whole year.

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