I must confess...

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

It’s been a whirlwind of a year and as I’ve fully embraced motherhood there are a few confessions I must make:
1. I’m still pinching myself. Sometimes I feel as if I’m having an out-of-body experience where I’m looking down at myself and think “holy crap, you have a kid”. It’s still me. I’m still the same person. But I grew a human and now I’m raising this little person who is half-me-half-Greg. Like, whoa. Is this happening? Yep, it’s happening. And when I’ll ever get passed this feeling, I’m not sure. 
2. People annoy me more than ever. Yep, it’s true. I guess more than ever  I just don’t have time to listen to people’s shit. Whether its unsolicited advice, lame excuses, complaining about a.) being tired b.)being hungover c.) being tired andhungover, or just the most trivial day-to-day things, I can’t. I just can’t. I get it, not everyone has kids and has to deal with teething or explosive shit on a daily basis, but you just have to understand that I can’t empathize with you the way I could before. Nor will I listen to your advice about feeding/clothing/raising my kid. Maybe motherhood has made me more bitchy, but hey, when you haven’t slept in months and you’ve got a miniature person who relies on you every second of every day, I’m gonna guess you’d be a little bitchy too.
3. I still want to hangout with my friends. I don’t sit around wishing about the life I had before a baby, but I do wish people looked at Greg and I as the same people when they consider plans. Yes, we might have to look into getting a babysitter and will more than likely need at least a week’s notice, but that doesn’t mean we still don’t like to go out. Don’t just “assume” that we can’t go because we’ve got a babe and not invite us to things. We still want to go to late dinners, we still want to go on trips and meet up at bars for drinks. Just ask. Please ask. 
4. Sometimes I wonder how I ever taught preschool. It’s totally different when you teach kids and don’t have kids yourself. Because I’m pretty sure that if what I’m doing right now taking care of Lucca were a “job” with a “boss”, I’d be fired. Like, straight up F-I-R-E-D. The amount of F-bombs that fly out of my mouth on a daily basis is not exactly a teacher-y thing to do. And I’m most definitely not fluttering around here singing The Wheels On the Bus and painting rainbows. It’s just different. I clocked in, clocked out, had a great day or sometimes a not-so-great day, but the kids went home and so did I and not all the pressure was on me. 
(Don’t worry former parents, I did not drop any F-bombs while teaching your kids. Promise. I might have wanted to as I’m sure you can understand, but ya know, preschool teachers just don’t do that.)

5. I still don’t have a damn clue what I’m doing.  I like to pretend like I know what I’m doing, or that I’ve got it all together, but no, just no. The second I think I have it all figured out, Lucca throws me a friggin’ curve ball and I’m left feeling  frustrated, confused, exhausted, defeated.. you name it.  I can honestly say that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my entire life, and with all the rewards, there sure are a lot of tears to get to that point, but damn is it all worth it. Yes, the answer is yes

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