Mama's Separation Anxiety

Monday, July 6, 2015

Last week, Lucca spent three days at my mom's house. When she offered to pick him up and have him stay with her, I jumped on that opportunity and immediately thought of a million things I wanted to do during those 72 hours of kid-free time. Sleeping and drinking were high on my list. Because, priorities.
I met her halfway between my house and hers, loaded up the extra carseat in her car and transferred all of his necessities for his mini-vacay. He could not have been more excited to see her and could have cared less that I wasn't coming along with him. I hopped back in my car, waved goodbye and set on down the road back home.

Bringing a few friends for the ride
This isn't the first time I've been away from him. Greg and I have been on trips before and have had our moms watch him while we are away. But this was the first time not having him at our house with us. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's the first time in (almost) two years that it's just been the two of us. I started to think about that on the way home, and after almost 5 times of checking his carseat and reassuring myself that I hadn't forgotten him somewhere (seriously, does anybody else do this?) I made it home to a very quiet house.

For all the loud-ass beeping and singing toys we have in our house that Lucca plays with, for all the screaming and screeching and yelling that goes on in a daily basis, the silence was deafening. And I felt like I was trying to have conversations with our pets. Sure, my conversations with Lucca are pretty minimal, but at least he's human and answers me 90% of the time. I didn't have a happy, cheerful face to greet me in the morning, either. I mean I love my husband, but "cheerful face" does not describe him at 6 o'clock in the morning.
The first two days, I did take advantage of the extra Zzz's when I took a mid-day nap. I also enjoyed some time lounging at the pool and reading all the magazines I've been meaning to read since December. It was glorious. Not having to run around in a bathing suit and fear my child is going to drown every 5 seconds- that alone was relaxing.

However,  I did find myself doing things that I've become so accustomed to doing with Lucca around. When I went to the grocery store, I drove round until I found the closest spot up front and next to the shopping carts-- what I usually do with Lucca in tow so that it's easier to get in and out. I would tiptoe upstairs at night so I wouldn't wake him up, forgetting that he wasn't in his room. I would turn on the baby monitor, forgetting that there wasn't anyone to watch. I would close gates behind me, forgetting I didn't have a wild child here to keep contained. Every time I would do something like that, I'd just laugh at myself. I need to get out more, apparently.

By the third day, I was freaking bored. Yes, I said it. I wanted all this free time, and then when I got it, I was bored as shit. I don't know if it's because we're always on-the-go and doing something, but I was so bored I didn't know what to do with myself. I missed the hell out of my kid. I got some time to myself, but it was way too quiet here that I think it was starting to drive me crazy. I did enjoy the clean house and the extra snooze time, but damn. That was a long three days without any crazy in this house.

Be careful what you wish for, I guess? We all need a break sometimes, but it's funny how much you miss your babe when you are away from each other for so long. I quickly learned that I had a bit of separation anxiety from not having a miniature human attached to any of my limbs. Next time maybe I'll plan some more "activities" so that I'm not stuck here talking to myself like a crazy person. Jeesh.

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