Potty Training 101: The Saga Continues

Tuesday, January 5, 2016


So back towards the end of the Summer, we began our potty training journey. We didn't really jump right in, per se, but when Lucca showed us that he could actually "go" on the potty, we just kinda went with it. We bought 18 different potty seats, stocked up on pull-ups, and really for the most part just let him hang out in his birthday suit during the day so he'd be more likely to use it when he felt he needed to.
It's now January (2016!); a new year, a new approach. Well really, it's the same approach, but now we're ALL IN. We said goodbye to pull-ups during the day when we go out and have since made the commitment to bathroom trips in public places and using our portable potty seat (in the backseat of the car, on the side of the road, at the playground..etc.)
I didn't think I could commit to this part of the "training" because I couldn't see myself dropping my kids pants behind the neighborhood park, but here we are. I mean shit just got real, folks. We are four days in to an underwear-only deal and so far haven't had any accidents. 
Knock on wood. Cross your fingers. Pray to God.
I'd say for a two-year-old boy, he's doing pretty damn well. But I'm not here to dote on his potty training skills. I'm here to share two separate instances, both happening in the same week, to where a trip to the public restroom became a nightmare.
Here's the thing: I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE TAKE A TODDLER INTO A RESTROOM AND MAKE IT OUT ALIVE. I don't. He touches everything. And I mean everything. The floor, the flusher, the trash receptacle on the side of the wall (gag!). Every time we go to a public restroom, I'd like to just jump in the car and head home to dunk him in the bathtub. And so much for that portable potty seat ring thingamajig that is supposed to help them sit on the top of the adult-sized seat. Maybe it's just my kid, but somehow, someway, he still manages to grab on to where I'm sure someone's body parts once touched the toilet seat just minutes before. 
It's impossible right? It's impossible to make it out of there completely germ-free and still get the job done. I wish he understood the severity of the situation when I'm yelling "OH MY GOD don't touch that! Put that down! Don't put your fingers in there!"
But this past week, that was the least of my problems...
On Wednesday I took Lucca to gymnastics at our local Little Gym. It was a typical morning, he was off-the-wall excited, not listening to the teacher, jumping off of equipment in ways that I'm sure they aren't meant to be used. So when he started to do a tip-toe dance and headed for the bathroom, I jumped on that opportunity. We went in, locked the door, and he sat down (sans potty seat) and went. I immediately had to go right after he finished, so I moved him out of the way to sit down. 
He assumed that our time spent in the bathroom was done and he was ready to return to his class, and as I heard the instructor just outside the door near the balance beam showing the new "skill of the week", he ran over to the handle, and pulled it down unlocking the door. Look people, I'm going to spare you the actual details of what happened in between me trying to pee really quickly and me jumping off of the seat and flinging myself to slam the door before the entire room saw my pants-less pregnant ass-I'm not that kind of blogger.  Let's just say it was not pretty.
Our second public bathroom experience happened in Home Depot on a lovely Sunday morning. My husband was busy ordering blinds for our new house, and while I was chasing Lucca through the aisles (after he escaped from the stroller) I suddenly had to use the restroom. I dragged Lucca along with me in hopes that he would attempt to go potty as well. After stripping him down to his bare ankles, he didn't go, and I had to go again (thanks pregnancy...) I dressed him again, told him to "stand right there" (I mean, who am I kidding?) and sat down. 
And then he escaped. With a little giggle he slipped backwards underneath the stall door. 
Why does he keep doing this to me!? Clearly we are NOT done here.
Again, I do my best to pull myself together, pants halfway down my legs, to fling open the door and grab him with one hand. Luckily nobody came into the restroom until we were on our way out, so there wasn't anyone else who witnessed this unfortunate situation. 
But you better believe, when we left the bathroom, he took a sharp right and bolted down the aisles. Bystanders were laughing, I was cursing and sweating, and after losing him for 15 seconds I found him in the storm door aisle hiding from me. And sure enough, my husband comes around the corner and says, "Oh there you guys are..." like we were just having a joyful time frolicking around Home Depot.
This potty training deal is exhausting and I will never use a public restroom with my son in tow ever again because he cannot be trusted.
The end.