It's A ____...

Sunday, April 3, 2016

In case you haven't been following on my other social media outlets, we're adding to the crazy with another boy on the way. We found out before Valentine's Day (talk about procrastinating a blog post), and I'm finally over the initial shock of discovering we were having another boy. I shouldn't say finally over... but it definitely took a hot minute. The flooding amount of text messages I received after finding out the gender of baby #2 were all along the lines of, "Oh my god! I can't believe it!" and "Are you okay!?"
And rightfully so. Up until the last millisecond, I believed this babe was going to be a girl. I had been dreaming of a little brown-eyed girl for months, I'd felt zero pregnancy symptoms, I looked different, I felt different--I was absolutely certain. And to be quite honest, hopeful. Of course I wanted a little girl, I won't deny that fact. Not because of the cute clothes and future outings to the nail salon but I had just dreamed of having a mother-daughter relationship. I speak to my mom everyday and we've always been extremely close--I have always wanted that same thing with my own future daughter.

So, in our little tradition of finding out the gender via a scribbled-on piece of paper from the sonographer, my husband and I went next door to grab some donuts and reveal the surprise. We did the same thing with Lucca, just wanting to experience it together and just the two of us so we decided to keep it going. The envelope sitting in front of us was terrifying. I opened it while G recorded the reveal on my phone. When I saw "BOY" written across the picture of our babe, I cried-laughed and contorted my face in positions I had never seen before. This is a recording that is never to be viewed by anyone. It wasn't necessarily disappointment, it was just...shock. My mind was already pre-programmed into thinking we would be having this little mini-me of a daughter, and when I opened up the envelope I honestly didn't know what to think.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm absolutely happy that our baby boy is as healthy as can be and I've been extremely lucky during this pregnancy as it's been a breeze this time around. However, I will be completely honest when I tell you that when I got into my car after leaving the donut shop (also after inhaling 3 donuts), I cried my eyes out all the way home. I ignored the texts and phone calls. I needed to process this information by myself, radio blaring, until the second I pulled up into my driveway. I needed that. And I'm pretty sure that a lot of people have reacted this way, but maybe felt guilty to tell the tale. Did I feel shitty for feeling that way? Of course I did. But I needed to process my own thoughts and feelings on that 25 minute drive to say, "Alright. We can do this."

And now with 11 weeks left until this bouncing babe (literally he never stops moving) arrives, I'm in full-force baby prep.  We're trying to prepare Lucca for his transition into being a big brother, switching rooms, switching beds, and getting ready for this little person to come into our lives. I see the excitement in Lucca's eyes when he talks about his "baby bru-yah" and I can already picture the craziness and chaos and fun that these two little boys will encounter. I'm happy for Lucca that he gets a sibling to share special moments with and for another sweet boy who is just as wild and free as my firstborn.

That initial shock has worn off, and I've moved on to dreaming of holding my sweet baby boy and reading books together in Lucca's big-boy room. I always think about the two of them together, looking up to their daddy and emulating him in every way possible. It's those thoughts that make me smile--and I know whole-heartedly that I'm so incredibly lucky to be raising two little boys.

So you can stop asking now if I'm alright. I'm more than alright. I'm the happiest I've ever been, and I can't wait to meet this little person who will bring another element of joy into our crazy family.

See you soon, little man. You've already stolen my heart.