Welcome to Motherhood: Part II

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Leo is two weeks old, and I have officially survived 16 WHOLE days of motherhood to two boys. 
I've been pretty damn tired,  but for the most part I have forged on through in order to get out of the confines of my house. I can't do it. I just can't sit in my house, letting the hours drag on by. I wish I could--trust me. When I had Lucca, he would eat, and sleep for what seemed like hours on my chest. All day everyday I'd find the best corner of the couch, put everything I needed within reach: remotes, cell phone, snacks, binkies.. and we'd be set. 
This time around, that same little snoozer is now bouncing off the walls (literally) and needs to get out. As much as I'd love to just stay inside in the A/C, he needs to burn off the energy, and I need to maintain my sanity. So now, with not just one but two babes in tow, we've ventured past my front door and have actually done a lot more in just two weeks than I ever did in the first 3 months of Lucca's newborn life.
We've met up with friends for lunch, had playdates, spent a day at the pool, and even enjoyed our neighborhood 4th of July celebration (Leo slept through the entire fireworks show). I can't say that I've done it all alone, I'd seriously be lying to you if I did. I've had a lot of help from my mom who stayed with us and helped me load and unload and feed and clean and give equal attention to both boys. I'm pretty sure she thought I was absolutely nuts for not just propping up my feet and taking the time off, but she went with the flow and we were out and about. And this week we still have an extra set of hands on deck with my mother-in-law staying with us.
Other than remembering how the hell to take care of a newborn-- a tiny little human who is actually way more needy than a two-year-old (I'd forgotten what that's like) things have been going pretty smoothly. My fears of having another baby join our family have pretty much melted away, and did from the instant that Lucca came into the hospital room to meet his baby brother. He was so excited he could barely contain himself, and instantly wanted to hold him. He was trying to comfort him and tell him "it's okay" every time he squeaked or started to cry. I knew the love would be real, but this real? This right-before-your-very-eyes real? That was everything. That was a moment I won't ever forget.
Since then, we've had a few meltdowns here and there but nothing out of the ordinary. I tend to forget that Lucca is only two (and nine months) so the tantrums are about as expected as the sun rising everyday. He's handled the transition really well, and has pretty much taken to telling everyone around him how to take care of his baby bro. "He only needs his pinky (binky) when he cries". "You need to buckle him in his seat". "He spit up right there you need to wipe it away". I'm not sure if he's a toddler or a nurse, but either way, he's actually been quite helpful and the love he shows his brother (in the form of head hugs and nose kisses) has been so nice to watch. As well as a relief...
So, I'm doin' it people. I'm doing the mom-of-two thing. I still wake up and think, "Holy shit I have two kids" and wonder how in the hell did my mom manage four of us-- without losing a kid, one of us drowning or being kidnapped or turning out to be a little whacko. How? Just how. It's a lot to manage, it's a lot of planning and spreading yourself so thin you don't feel like you could possibly survive one more minute of the day, but the reward is so, so worth it. Lucca inviting me to listen to stories the other night in his room while Daddy read and then falling asleep with his arms around my neck is so, so worth it. Leo showing me a glimpse of a smile yesterday (whether it be gas or not) is so, so worth it. The lingering pain from delivering a baby just two weeks ago is so, so worth it. The exhaustion I will experience for the next God knows how many years is worth it...
All of it means I'm putting every single ounce of my being into this motherhood thing, and though the rewards are small, they are all meaningful.  It's beautiful and chaotic and loud and messy. It's not perfect, but it works. And how in the hell I got to be so lucky to wake up everyday to be a mama to these little boys is beyond me... but here I am.

I'm deliriously happy, and this "new normal" has actually felt as if it's always been our normal. It's funny how that works, isn't it? I've anticipated these very days for so long with so much anxiety and uncertainty, fear, etc. But today it feels like we've been doing this all along and Leo's always been here with us, and we've always been a party of four. 
So here we go, onto Motherhood Part II.
Let the adventures continue...