The Domino Effect

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Leo turned 2 months old over the weekend, and finally all the hard work and sleepless nights are rewarded with his sweetest smiles and coos. It's interesting how those first several weeks of having a baby are basically survival mode... Keep them fed. Comfort them. Minimize crying by doing whatever it takes, even if it means doing laps around the dining room table. Begin to figure them out. And now, almost 9 weeks later, our babe's personality is starting to show, and seeing him smile and giggle back at us makes it all completely worth it. 
Juggling life with two has been tough, I'm not gonna lie. I'm still in recovery mode from flying solo last week while my husband attended a destination wedding. We've had TONS, like almost weekly help from family, so if I was going to figure this whole two-kid thing out, it was going to be the week I'd be alone while my other half was in another country. I survived. I lived to tell the tale. But man, it was rough. When one was happy, the other was screaming. The hours of 4-8 pm were the longest hours of my life. But we made it. I didn't lock us up for the entire week, because that makes me even more crazy. So we ventured out- took walks, went to the store, the library, playdates.. There were many moments where I thought, "I can totally do this" and then the lowest points of the day I thought to myself, "Holy shit, I'm going to lose my damn mind".

Our big boy has been so incredibly helpful with his baby brother. The adjustment was a lot better than I had imagined, and you can really tell how much he is in love with him. I joke that he is our third parent--he's always on top of things, usually before anyone else is, and is quick to tell you if you're doing something wrong. "Don't put that too close to his face", "He's done playing and he's getting tired now, can you put him in the swing?" "He's starting to spit up again, he needs his burp cloth". And listening to him try to calm him down warms my heart.. "It's OK Leo. Don't cry. It's okay. Go to sleep now..." I know that he will keep his baby brother in line, but will always look out for him. Watching that kind of love unfold before you, of two little humans that you created out of love, is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. Everyday is a new adventure for them, and I love to just sit back and watch them together...

That being said, today was nothing short of an adventure. I took both boys to the gym with me this morning, and all was good and lovely, until one small kink of the day made the entire rest of the afternoon turn to shit, one thing after another, like a domino effect. My first mistake when picking them up from the daycare was believing that Lucca already went to the bathroom before we left. ROOKIE MISTAKE. Never believe a two year old. We made it all the way out to the car when he told me he had to go potty. Irritated, I had to take the baby back out, and walk all the way back in to the gym. On the way there, Lucca exclaimed that he had mulch in his shoe. First domino down. He kicked it off and yelled for me to come fix it. I walked back to him, tapped out the mulch, and put it back on. Apparently, I didn't do it correctly because all hell broke lose. Next domino. 
Yelling and screaming all the way back to the door of the gym, we fought over who would open the door. I was super irritated at this point because I was tired from working out, lugging a heavy infant carrier, and just trying to get inside and make this quick. A woman approached the door, and the poor lady who was just trying to make it inside had to step over my kid who is now lying flat on his back in the middle of the doorway. She felt bad for me, so she went to hold open the next door for us. Next domino. Lucca flipped out on her because he didn't get to open the door. I was so flustered I grabbed him and tried to scoot him inside and he cracked his forehead on the door. It just kept getting worse. FML.
 More screaming and yelling commenced, and it seemed as if the entire gym stopped at a halt to see what in the hell was going on. The lady at the front desk had no idea what to do, and I could feel myself red in the face from anger and embarrassment. I grabbed Lucca and in the calmest voice I could muster up asked him to get himself together so that we could just use the bathroom and get out of here. Instead of submitting to my request, he started chucking small pebbles that he had clutched in his hand (unbeknownst to me) across the floor. Thankfully, one of the ladies that works in the daycare was out in the lobby and offered to help. She stayed with the baby while I carried Lucca (who has now decided he doesn't need to go to the bathroom) kicking and screaming to the back of the gym daycare.

What seemed like an hour but was more like 5 minutes passed as I had to fight him from running out of the door. Domino, domino, domino. I just sat there. Defeated. Watching people step over us and walk past this ridiculous debacle. But finally, he came to me and sobbed in my arms. I wanted to cry myself, to be honest, but after some hugs and "I'm sorry's" we made it to the bathroom. Mission accomplished. We walked out of there holding hands, happy as can be. Talk about a freaking roller coaster. I'm so incredibly thankful for the help, and for the fact that in that moment of absolute terror, Leo was snoozing away.

And that, my friends, is my life with two. You just never know what you're gonna get. Good days. Easy days. God awful days that you're cursing up a storm. Today was a not-so-good day, and one that I look back and think about some of the things I said or did that I'm not particularly proud of. The rest of the afternoon we had a few more blow ups, and another huge one before bedtime. But, all is good in our house (for the moment) as both boys are sleeping, but not until we talked about how the day went down and how much we love each other. We're bound to have some seriously shitty days like the one we just had, but I need them thinking happy thoughts before their heads hit the pillow...

It's hard. So, so hard, to not be impulsive and yell when you're being yelled at. To take it, breathe, and be calm. To juggle the needs of both kids who need different things from us, and to try and keep the momentum of happiness going. One little kink and you're screwed. If I had just taken him to the bathroom in the first place...


Tomorrow is a new day, right?