A New Chapter

Sunday, July 16, 2017

It's been a whirlwind of change in these last several months. I've started a new chapter in my life, and it's the best chapter yet. I quit my full-time job, my baby just turned one, I've devoted time to a new business venture, and yet the chaos remains the same.

But good chaos. It's always good chaos. 
I can honestly say, that I finally feel happy again. Not that I wasn't happy to begin with- but my heart just feels full now. I had a goal to be able to walk away from my desk job that required 6+ hours in my basement with my two kids by June-and when I woke up on that Monday morning without having to drag everyone downstairs and put them in front of the TV- it was a glorious moment. 
Lucca had been counting down the days for this to happen, and out of habit he was ready to pack up his breakfast and head to the "dungeon" (the name I had given my workspace for the past three years). When I reminded him that I didn't have to work anymore, that we could actually enjoy our breakfast at the table and snuggle on the couch before our day began, he couldn't contain his excitement. I couldn't contain the tears. I'd been waiting for this for a long, long time.
Quitting my job, especially at the beginning of the summer, was the best decision I've ever made. I've been able to take trips with my family, go on daily adventures, set up slip-and-slides in the backyard...or have a day with no plans at all except a long walk in our neighborhood. We are experiencing summer for what it's worth. Sunburns and bug bites galore. And I've loved every second of it. I know that everyone is benefitting from this- I'm a happier mama because I get to spend more focused time with my family, my kids are happy because I'm more present, my husband is happy because I'm not stressed out and crying to him everyday to come home from work early. A win-win for all.
But that's not to say that with this change doesn't bring new challenges and sacrifices. We've essentially gone from two incomes to one (while I am still able to bring in money with my Rodan + Fields business and work on my own time) so we've had to refocus on some priorities for our family. That means the house projects have slowed down a bit and we've got to count our pennies a little closer than we had before. Is it a risk? Yes. Is it for everyone? No. Was it the answer for our family? Absolutely.

Working outside of the home, working from home, not working at all-they all have their benefits and their not-so-good qualities. What I know is, that I tried to make it work. When I finally thought I got a handle on things with one kid, the second came along and it was back to square one. I felt less connected to my kids, especially with Leo, who I basically just tried to corral in certain sections of our basement so he wouldn't be pulling out cords, climbing on things, or getting in some kind of trouble. I dreaded every single work day. I felt guilty as a mother that my 3 year old watched at least 4-5 hours of TV on any given day. I felt guilty that I hadn't actually sat down and spent the day playing with my new baby. I can't tell you how many sobbing phone calls I gave my husband in the middle of the day, saying "I'm going to quit.. today is the day." I stuck it out for as long as I possibly could, and when the day finally came--it was a huge weight lifted off my chest.

Things will be different, yes. It will always be an adjustment. Not everyday will be rainbows and butterflies and there will for sure be moments that I wish I could have some time to myself. But this is the best thing for me and for my family. I can focus on whats truly important, and that's being the best mom and wife I can possibly be, and filling my heart to the brim with happiness and love and giggles from my tiny humans.
 

2 comments:

  1. So very proud of you for putting your family first. ❤

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  2. So happy for you and your sweet fam!!! ��

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