This Is Just A Season

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

It's been a long time since I've written a blog post- and I hate starting with that because that's just stating the obvious. I always think of things to sit down and write about but the actual act of pulling out my laptop without fingers bashing it or someone screaming for YouTube is never a reality for me.
But alas, here I am, #1 in school, #2 with an iPad in his lap indulging in his own screen time, and I've found a moment to write. Or vent. You can decide which it is.
Today was just like any other day, waking up to screaming "MOMMMMY GET ME OUT" before the sun has even shown itself. I retrieve the Baby Boss and start our "routine" of the day which is really just letting him do every.single.thing. himself before we even make it down the stairs. Turns on the light. Turns off the sound machine. Turns on the hallway light. Must unlock the door for the dog to go out. Must let the dog back in. 
One misstep from me- God forbid I turn that handle- and all HELL breaks lose.
And this is how I live my life now- giving into the demands of this little human who has complete control over my life because I can't even handle the aftermath if something goes awry. 
But it has to STOP. And I realized this today as my oldest BEGGED me to walk him into school. This is something I dread, and we've been doing a car line situation since the beginning of the school year and it has been such a God-send for so many reasons. 
But he really wanted me to, so we pulled into a spot, and I unbuckled them both to get out of the car. #2 is instantly distracted by all of the fallen acorns and refuses to walk on the sidewalk. Then refuses to hold my hand to walk across the street.
And then... the doors.
If there is an automatic door (handicap button) or a key-fob situation, #2 absolutely MUST do it himself. That means nobody- not me, not the little old lady, not some other kid, can press that damn button. 
And as we're walking up to school this morning, he is literally screaming and crying at the top of his lungs because a family used their fob and walked in. And of course, I'm trying to diffuse the situation, try and pick him up, and he TODDLER'ed me immediately. I had to throw him under my arm and walk in with this banshee child- who has now discovered the acoustics in the building and becomes increasingly louder and louder as we walk through the hallways.
I turned to #1 and said, "THIS is why we do the car line." He agreed.
I'm so burnt out over this. You guys, I can't even make my damn COFFEE in the morning. If he hears the sound of the Keurig from the other room, it is like the world has just ended. And you know who is at fault? It's me. It's all me. I've created this monster and I have no friggin' clue how to fix it. 
I somehow managed to convince him to get in the stroller and walk the dog, and it calmed me down (for a good 30 minutes). It got me thinking though- this is just a season. I've heard it before... but my oldest was pretty well behaved and now that I look back on it, had a very mild terrible-two phase. But whatever I thought was awful, or hard or challenging back then, did pass. We learned from it and moved on to the next thing.  
But I'm in the season NOW, and it's hard ya'll. I'm walking on eggshells around a two-year-old. How ridiculous does that sound? And I beat myself up when I see other more well-behaved, laid-back kids and that's just stupid because everyone has their own challenges. I know it will get better, it will eventually get easier, but this season we're in is L O N G and seems like there is no end in sight. I'm not sure how many more times I can carry my kid like a surfboard entering/exiting public places while I have a fake-ass smile plastered on my face for each person I encounter. 
"Hi. How are you? Ha! I know right?! Kids."
I'm ready for this season of tantrums and toddler demands to be over...
...then I can vent about the other horrible things my kids are doing that makes me want to flee the country ;) 
Happy Halloween!